What would you live in life? What is your happiness? What is your expectation? What is your goal? There are voices in my head kept looking for definite answers. None are found, questions kept growing here and there, echoing in my head-- just when i settle to sleep. I realised this is my monster. (The echoing questions).It crawls into my stomach, making it uneasy. It flows to my heart, pounding it fast. It penetrates to my eyes, crying myself out. For no reason, it could be nothing that sparks, it could also be the irrelevant reason that triggers. Yes i will sleep, with the struggle. Yes i will sleep, with the exhaustion. Yes i will sleep, for the medicine. Yes i will sleep, but when will it be for the eternity? There is just so much me i couldnt feel the real one. There is just so much people in a person i couldnt figure which i should trust to. There is infinity of lies in the univrse i am living. I want to know the truth-- That is my aspiration every single night. Sadly i woke up wi…

Di Mana?

Katakanlah;Puisi malam
Yang tersusun indah
Adalah bunga merah
Nan menyerlah,Maka;Kesedihan
Dan kekecewaan
Adalah seluasa taman
Ianya ditemukan.🌷 #22062018

April 27th

That day, maybe you were looking for punctuation marks to put to our relationship. I imagined you scribbled through the choices of marks you have. Unfortunately you were not even confused. You gave a coma; unknowingly if the sentence of our rs will be continued, or hang right there. I was in a sea of question marks.That day, it was far from your imagination how vulnerable i had been-- of your fears and your words. I am not that kind of girl who would spam your chats asking why. I respect all your say. That day, you never knew how anxious i was. My pills was not helping-- and finally it only slow down my heart beats when i was overdose. Closing eyes was not calming, deep breath was nothing but in vain. None could see that my heart may pound hard but it is indeed dead. The death with no grave. That day, I did not know where to find my comfort. I grab my car key and drove off to where i call home; no hesitation, no second thoughts. Never you know how that journey was a painful struggle. …

The things you left unsaid;

Of 365 days you could ruin,
Why today? Of all the feelings you could fake,
Why love?Of countless words you could say,
Why lies?Of lists of promises you could give,
Why poisons? AndOf so many people you could hurt,
Why me?

Bercakap tentang cinta yang pernah mekar seperti bunga.

"Ditunggu berapa lama kau mahu menjadi bunga?" "Sehingga datang sepasang tangan"
"Yang bagaimana?"
Tempoh hari, pokok itu cuma benih. Tak terzahirkan oleh mata; diam bisu dikatup tanah. Kemudian hujan datang menyimbah nyimbah-- tanah berkolam, benih tenggelam. Dikira begitulah mati tetapi datang pula sang matahari-- terik membahang, kering kontang. Benih sudah mula akur barangkali inilah takdir tuhan; mati kehausan, kemarau ketandusan.

Hari hari terus berlalu.

Ada sepasang tangan kiriman tuhan menyampaikan air kepada tanah. Sepertinya nyawa kembali disambung, seolah satu roh kembali hidup. Benih bercambah menjadi pohon-- baja ditabur, tanah menyubur. Asbab tangan yang sama itulah, bunga yang dulu dipersoal kewujudannya kini sudah mekar. Dibajai cinta yang disangka ikhlas, tulus, suci dan bersih, maka bunga terus mekar mekar dan mewangi.

Begitulah hidup,
Definisi cinta itu berubah-ubah.

Tangan yang sama membajai benih …

Stardust; by Lang Leav

If you came to me with a face I have not seen,
with a voice I never heard, I would still know you. 
Even if centuries separated us,  I would still find you-- Somewhere between the sand and the stardust, Through every collapse and creation, There is a pulse that echoes of you and I.
When we leave this world, We give up all our possessions and our memories. Love is the only thing we take with us; It is all we carry from one life to the next


I like our random talks
That makes me alive
We understand us
And that is everything i could askThank you