Was

I missed my was.

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The things you left unsaid;

Of 365 days you could ruin, Why today? Of all the feelings you could fake, Why love? Of countless words you could say, Why lies? Of lists of promises you could give, Why poisons? And Of so many people you could hurt, Why me?
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Bercakap tentang cinta yang pernah mekar seperti bunga.

"Ditunggu berapa lama kau mahu menjadi bunga?"   "Sehingga datang sepasang tangan" "Yang bagaimana?" "..." Tempoh hari, pokok itu cuma benih. Tak terzahirkan oleh mata; diam bisu dikatup tanah. Kemudian hujan datang menyimbah nyimbah-- tanah berkolam, benih tenggelam. Dikira begitulah mati tetapi datang pula sang matahari-- terik membahang, kering kontang. Benih sudah mula akur barangkali inilah takdir tuhan; mati kehausan, kemarau ketandusan. Satu Dua Tiga Hari hari terus berlalu. Ada sepasang tangan kiriman tuhan menyampaikan air kepada tanah. Sepertinya nyawa kembali disambung, seolah satu roh kembali hidup. Benih bercambah menjadi pohon-- baja ditabur, tanah menyubur. Asbab tangan yang sama itulah, bunga yang dulu dipersoal kewujudannya kini sudah mekar. Dibajai cinta yang disangka ikhlas, tulus, suci dan bersih, maka bunga terus mekar mekar dan mewangi. Begitulah hidup, Erti Makna Definisi cinta itu berubah-ubah. Tang...
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April 27th

That day, maybe you were looking for punctuation marks to put to our relationship. I imagined you scribbled through the choices of marks you have. Unfortunately you were not even confused. You gave a coma; unknowingly if the sentence of our rs will be continued, or hang right there. I was in a sea of question marks. That day, it was far from your imagination how vulnerable i had been-- of your fears and your words. I am not that kind of girl who would spam your chats asking why. I respect all your say. That day, you never knew how anxious i was. My pills was not helping-- and finally it only slow down my heart beats when i was overdose. Closing eyes was not calming, deep breath was nothing but in vain. None could see that my heart may pound hard but it is indeed dead. The death with no grave. That day, I did not know where to find my comfort. I grab my car key and drove off to where i call home; no hesitation, no second thoughts. Never you know how that journey was a painful struggl...
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